Christmas *sigh*

[bluefirebird]

I can see a certain appeal to a houseful of people where there are joyous young children - but otherwise it is largely a heck of a lot of work for some poor host/hostess and probably a whole load of visitors who would rather be elsewhere.

When I was about 10 I declared that I always wanted to spend Christmas like this. But then I was an only child, my cousin - the next youngest in the family is 11 years older than me - and there were 7 adults over for Xmas dinner each year. I know now that it all involved a lot of work for my Mum, most of the family did little to help with any of the preparation or clearing up, and those that did try to help usually managed to break something of Mum's best dinner service or glasses. As the only male in the house, my Dad just about managed to hold his own and could be bullied into doing some of the Manly things that needed doing, like setting and lighting the open fire in the hearth, but Mum did everything else all by herself.

As an adult gaining a partner hasn't moved Christmas on in the way I assumed life would go in my teenage assumptions. I had visualised that I would take over Mum's role in my own house, that they would visit as grand-parents and there would be another generation of children burrowing through the presents under the tree.

Life didn't work out quite like that.

So I dread another boring get-together with two elderly relatives who barely know what is going on, and Mum who has no idea how to relax and sit down to talk (or do anything else). Pete likes to sit at home and pretty much ignore Christmas - after our "waifs and strays" Xmas morning ride - he can usually get a ballet or opera on one of the German satellite channels on Christmas Day afternoon, which suits him fine, and I'm happy to leave him to it. Then we have the hassle of visiting his relatives. His children are my friends as well as his family, but Christmas is the one time I have never felt really welcome in their home - I think a little to do with sitting watching everyone else in the house opening presents when there's not one for me. I don't expect much or even anything, but a small bar of chocolate to give me something to open would make all the difference. And now the "grandchildren" (his grandchildren) are hulking great university students... (their parents both have new replacement spouses.)

So the more I think about all of this, the more I think that the so-called dysfunctional family is the norm - that the normal family as portrayed in the media and primarily on TV and film (think "The Waltons" for one) is the exception rather than the rule. I don't think I know any families like that in my circle of friends and acquaintances.

Anyone else want to hibernate until mid-january when it's all over?

Comments

[ferneberga.livejournal.com]

I'm very much inclined to agree with you there, having been a single child and now a single adult. Fortunately, my adopted family includes me in their present list, which is rather nice - they do the 'invisible friend', i.e. one gift person and the receiver doesn't know who it's from in the group. There are some children in the group ranging from 5 to 15, and I have a couple of 'adopted' nieces of 8 and 2, who make Xmas enjoyable in an old-fashioned way, but really it's just an excuse to eat too much wherever you go.
The older I get the more I see it as a commercial excuse to push people to get together, where more often than not a lot of families end up arguing with each other more than they would normally over trivial matters and with considerably more viciousness.

[chirugal.livejournal.com]

Bleugh. I agree.