bluefirebird (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bluefirebird) wrote2010-12-30 02:56 pm
bluefirebird) wrote2010-12-30 02:56 pm
Entry tags:
The Aunt Saga - Day 3
Roundup to this point:
Prologue: Saturday December 25th 2010 - despite being asked to ring my Aunt to remind her that it is Christmas Day, I am unable to do so because her phone is off the hook. I spend four hours trying intermittently to get through before driving over to pick her up as usual, where I find her just beginning to prepare her lunch (soup and sausages apparently) and surprised to find that she is invited to my parents for Christmas Day (just as she has been for the last 40+ years). She is annoyed that no one told her in advance so that she could look forward to it!
However she has a good day, puts away a pretty impressive quantity of turkey and roasties, is delighted at her haul of pressies despite (and I quote her) "we have never exchanged Christmas presents in this family". I deliver her home Xmas night (taxi service at her beck and call) and when I finally get home myself field several phone calls from her checking "is this your phone number" (no, why else would I be answering) and then "what is your parents' phone number" (that would be the number you rang last week in a panic over something!) - am I beginning to sound annoyed.
Day 1: Monday December 27th 2010 - someone, presumably a health visitor of some sort visits my Aunt on a Bank Holiday and finds (amongst other things) her making lunch out of the sort of sausages that need to be cooked but maybe can easily be mistaken for the type you can eat straight out of the packet. Apparently they also think that she has been wearing the same clothes for days (better not let them near me then!). As a consequence of this they arrange for her to be admitted to the local geriatric/mental health ward, but don't appear to mention it to anyone who knows her. Even if she is capable of thinking that someone should be notified, she isn't capable of remembering contact info. Someone should have left a note on the kitchen table, but no one does.
Day 2: Tuesday December 28th 2010 (also a Bank Holiday) - another health visitor of some sort appears to call to visit my Aunt at home, she gets no answer and most of the curtains are closed (I guess in daylight). She raises the alarm. A policeman calls at her flat and is able to read my telephone number on the window sill so calls me. The man-hunt starts, my parents provide keys to save breaking into my Aunt's flat. Mum worries herself silly. I'm fairly resigned, but feel I ought to be doing something, which leaves me unable to settle to any of my tasks at home.
Midnight sees us informed that she is safely esconced in hospital rather than in a ditch somewhere!
Day 3: Wednesday December 29th 2010 - finding out the visiting hours for the hospital isn't easy. Silly me, I thought that's what websites are for.
All three of us go to visit my Aunt. Dad spends the whole way there asking where the hospital is (he goes there for checkups as well!) My aunt is as happy as larry and a little surprised to see us. She seems to think that she's on holiday somewhere and that the coach is coming to take them all home tomorrow - after a week away - although she's annoyed that no one has given them the information for the journey home yet. Note: this is Wednesday and she spent Saturday with the family. She keeps saying how good the food is, and how friendly everyone is. When she's given a menu to pick tomorrows food she denies ever having seen one before and complains that it would have been nice to know what was to eat for today - when pressed she can't actually remember eating lunch an hour or so ago. I tell her that she won't remember that we have visited 10 minutes after we have gone. She protests that she is not "potty" - no, just so forgetful that she can barely function and certainly can't work things out anymore. Mum persists in telling her that she in hospital to which she replies that she can't be because she hasn't been up to the ward. (She was in a ward with 5 other beds, sigh). At one point she suddenly looks confused and says "You know, I really don't remember where my bedroom is" She's sat in a chair next to her bed and the three of us are sat on it. Dad is obviously bored and spends the whole time saying "can we go now" like a toddler.
The hospital indicate that my Aunt will be there for a couple of weeks for tests and assessment. I honestly don't believe that she is competent to live on her own any more, although she is just about physically capable. After a variety of conversations in the last couple of years (one being when she swore blind that she'd never been sent a bank statement in her life) I am amazed that she is managing to deal with bills and things.
Day 4: Thursday December 30th 2010 - I really need to spend time on things at home, as I've barely had a chance since Christmas Eve for one reason or another. I phone Mum to say I will not be coming over to visit my Aunt (it's a 70 mile round trip - and that's without considering that I currently have no income to pay for the petrol<). She goes on to tell me that the Aunt phoned from the hospital (with their assistance) - apparently with paranoid delusions about someone attacking/molesting her in her own flat and hence wanting to come stay with my parents (she's missed the boat on that one by about 20 years, Mum has enough trouble looking after Dad, there's no way she could cope with two elderly toddlers.) From what Mum said there was much conspiracy stuff, complaints that she's not being fed and all sorts, and when Mum refused to be much help my Aunt put the phone down on her... When I spoke to her a couple of hours later Mum mentioned a pain in the chest since talking to my Aunt - this is not good.
Mum rang the ward sister after the conversation with my Aunt and there was something about her being OK to go home, which is confusing because it doesn't tie in with what we were told yesterday.
If the NHS wants us to take some responsibility for her then they need to tell us more. Back in the summer Mum was looking for her when she obviously wasn't home, and knowing that she had a doctor's appointment about that time rang the surgery (which my parents also attend). They refused to confirm or deny if she'd turned up for the appointment - or even if she was still on the premises - citing patient confidentiality! My aunt is in no position to tell us anything meaningful about her life as she can't remember long enough to tell us. So we have no idea what assistance, care-workers or whatever are dealing with her.
My parents, both now over 80, cannot look after her.
Prologue: Saturday December 25th 2010 - despite being asked to ring my Aunt to remind her that it is Christmas Day, I am unable to do so because her phone is off the hook. I spend four hours trying intermittently to get through before driving over to pick her up as usual, where I find her just beginning to prepare her lunch (soup and sausages apparently) and surprised to find that she is invited to my parents for Christmas Day (just as she has been for the last 40+ years). She is annoyed that no one told her in advance so that she could look forward to it!
However she has a good day, puts away a pretty impressive quantity of turkey and roasties, is delighted at her haul of pressies despite (and I quote her) "we have never exchanged Christmas presents in this family". I deliver her home Xmas night (taxi service at her beck and call) and when I finally get home myself field several phone calls from her checking "is this your phone number" (no, why else would I be answering) and then "what is your parents' phone number" (that would be the number you rang last week in a panic over something!) - am I beginning to sound annoyed.
Day 1: Monday December 27th 2010 - someone, presumably a health visitor of some sort visits my Aunt on a Bank Holiday and finds (amongst other things) her making lunch out of the sort of sausages that need to be cooked but maybe can easily be mistaken for the type you can eat straight out of the packet. Apparently they also think that she has been wearing the same clothes for days (better not let them near me then!). As a consequence of this they arrange for her to be admitted to the local geriatric/mental health ward, but don't appear to mention it to anyone who knows her. Even if she is capable of thinking that someone should be notified, she isn't capable of remembering contact info. Someone should have left a note on the kitchen table, but no one does.
Day 2: Tuesday December 28th 2010 (also a Bank Holiday) - another health visitor of some sort appears to call to visit my Aunt at home, she gets no answer and most of the curtains are closed (I guess in daylight). She raises the alarm. A policeman calls at her flat and is able to read my telephone number on the window sill so calls me. The man-hunt starts, my parents provide keys to save breaking into my Aunt's flat. Mum worries herself silly. I'm fairly resigned, but feel I ought to be doing something, which leaves me unable to settle to any of my tasks at home.
Midnight sees us informed that she is safely esconced in hospital rather than in a ditch somewhere!
Day 3: Wednesday December 29th 2010 - finding out the visiting hours for the hospital isn't easy. Silly me, I thought that's what websites are for.
All three of us go to visit my Aunt. Dad spends the whole way there asking where the hospital is (he goes there for checkups as well!) My aunt is as happy as larry and a little surprised to see us. She seems to think that she's on holiday somewhere and that the coach is coming to take them all home tomorrow - after a week away - although she's annoyed that no one has given them the information for the journey home yet. Note: this is Wednesday and she spent Saturday with the family. She keeps saying how good the food is, and how friendly everyone is. When she's given a menu to pick tomorrows food she denies ever having seen one before and complains that it would have been nice to know what was to eat for today - when pressed she can't actually remember eating lunch an hour or so ago. I tell her that she won't remember that we have visited 10 minutes after we have gone. She protests that she is not "potty" - no, just so forgetful that she can barely function and certainly can't work things out anymore. Mum persists in telling her that she in hospital to which she replies that she can't be because she hasn't been up to the ward. (She was in a ward with 5 other beds, sigh). At one point she suddenly looks confused and says "You know, I really don't remember where my bedroom is" She's sat in a chair next to her bed and the three of us are sat on it. Dad is obviously bored and spends the whole time saying "can we go now" like a toddler.
The hospital indicate that my Aunt will be there for a couple of weeks for tests and assessment. I honestly don't believe that she is competent to live on her own any more, although she is just about physically capable. After a variety of conversations in the last couple of years (one being when she swore blind that she'd never been sent a bank statement in her life) I am amazed that she is managing to deal with bills and things.
Day 4: Thursday December 30th 2010 - I really need to spend time on things at home, as I've barely had a chance since Christmas Eve for one reason or another. I phone Mum to say I will not be coming over to visit my Aunt (it's a 70 mile round trip - and that's without considering that I currently have no income to pay for the petrol<). She goes on to tell me that the Aunt phoned from the hospital (with their assistance) - apparently with paranoid delusions about someone attacking/molesting her in her own flat and hence wanting to come stay with my parents (she's missed the boat on that one by about 20 years, Mum has enough trouble looking after Dad, there's no way she could cope with two elderly toddlers.) From what Mum said there was much conspiracy stuff, complaints that she's not being fed and all sorts, and when Mum refused to be much help my Aunt put the phone down on her... When I spoke to her a couple of hours later Mum mentioned a pain in the chest since talking to my Aunt - this is not good.
Mum rang the ward sister after the conversation with my Aunt and there was something about her being OK to go home, which is confusing because it doesn't tie in with what we were told yesterday.
If the NHS wants us to take some responsibility for her then they need to tell us more. Back in the summer Mum was looking for her when she obviously wasn't home, and knowing that she had a doctor's appointment about that time rang the surgery (which my parents also attend). They refused to confirm or deny if she'd turned up for the appointment - or even if she was still on the premises - citing patient confidentiality! My aunt is in no position to tell us anything meaningful about her life as she can't remember long enough to tell us. So we have no idea what assistance, care-workers or whatever are dealing with her.
My parents, both now over 80, cannot look after her.
no subject
I well remember last year shortly before mum died and was in hospital, and everytime I rang they kept saying they couldn't give any information despite my saying I was calling from abroad, and that one of my specialist translation areas is biomedical, because (a) it was confidential, or (b) I might get upset!!!
Fortunately, when Dad was admitted a couple of weeks back with unstable angina, I dealt with a series of wonderfully informative and genuinely helpful medical staff at the same hospital!! Although my dad's busybody neighbour(unfortunately she's my only contact if Dad takes ill)said he was losing his mind, before her daughter took him to the doctor's surgery (he was taken direct to A&E but said neighbour loves to emotionally blackmail me, which meant that as Dad was in so much pain he reverted back to Basque his mother tongue, alternately occasionally with Spanish until pain subsided and he returned to English.
This neighbour wants me to mollycoddle Dad - he's independent, and at present of sound mind and body (occasionally frail as befits his 88 years - just don't tell him he's old andthat's normal - lol; I agree with Dad, and ring him religiously every week on different days and at different times to prevent routine, so that he doesn't get worried.
Hugs - and I hope the New year turns out better for you